Mt. Insecurity

Control your mind. Do not let your mind control you. Focus. Breath.

Think of a clear blue sky with some few white clouds around it. Think of flower fields in the meadow. Think of that fresh air that touches your skin. Isn’t that refreshing? I would love to stay there for a long time. I would love to just enjoy that exact moment of silence. Now add waves of laughter of little kids trying to catch a butterfly. Add the giggles you might make when your lover or when a couple tickle each other. Listen and imagine. Take your mind to the place where you want to be.

As I went back to join a yoga class after being on hiatus for a year, I realized I missed a lot. I lost control of my mind. As my guru guided me to conscious breathing, my mind wanders to places and memories I shouldn’t think of. I tried to focus on every inhale and exhale but still, unconsciously it takes me elsewhere.

Acknowledging the thoughts that enter my mind and letting them drift away and going back to focusing on my breath is really hard. It was even a bit frustrating to let it pass and start all over again. Still, I tried again and again. And suddenly, I got tired. I stayed laying down and decided to let everything go. My thoughts, my focus ( I think ), all the pressure I am giving myself, I let them all go. I felt the heaviness of my body on my mat and the wind on my skin and even listened to the chimes dancing with the wind by the window.

It dawned on me how this was actually what I needed. To let things that not worry me, but pressures me, go. Not just during my yoga practice or meditations, but in everyday life too. So, I let go of things I can’t control and instead of stopping myself from thinking of negative thoughts, I try to think of the positive sides of it. Of course, it’s hard. It can even be depressing and can lead you back again in square one. But unlike before, it doesn’t frustrate me that much. In each process, I notice every small difference that I didn’t appreciate before. Namaste


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